Trust

Being home for the summer certainly has it's perks.  I get to enjoy the countryside, my home, my family, my pets, peace and quiet or loudness and laughter, etc.
Among those, though, finding a job isn't one of them.  Applying all over and hardly hearing a word from any of the places is most discouraging to be sure.  But I'm trying to remain optimistic, even though it is beginning to look like I might not get to visit some dear friends and a beloved place that is like a second-home to me.
Pulling through it all certainly is tough.
If anything is making it better, though, without a doubt it's the Lord.  I was privileged to go to Eucharistic Adoration last week because my sister had to go to the church to practice her organ pieces.  This has been a greatly-missed privilege for me.  Attending a Catholic university is a great blessing because the sacraments are so available and there are many places where you can stop and spend time in the Eucharistic Presence of Jesus.
Once I was alone in that room, I poured myself out to the Lord: what I was struggling with, why I was having such a hard time with it all, what I hoped for, what I feared.  If there is one thing I have found in Christ in my relationship with Him over the last several years, it's that He has the greatest listening ear of anyone I know.  I can tell God everything, and do.  I tell Him things that no one else ever hears about or knows that I'm dealing with.  It's so good to have a Friend like that.
But I think what's even better is that after I've told Him everything, when I stop to listen, He always has the best advice.  Albeit, it's not always advice that's easy to follow or swallow; but time and time again, God has told me what I most need to hear at the moment when I am struggling.  He is always very clear with me, but this clarity is ruled by gentleness.  God is never harsh or cruel-handed; He is always kind, always good, always gentle, always strong, always loving...always there.
It is no surprise that all His revelations to me in Scripture of late have been about giving witness and preaching the Gospel.  I am becoming more and more aware that this is going to be my mission this summer: the purpose for which God has brought me home.  But I can't say this is not intimidating after spending a summer working in an atmosphere that nurtured my faith and surrounded me with people who cared about me and loved God.  I think the biggest intimidation is that I really have no idea what I'm going to be surrounded by, or what I'll be faced with everyday.
Through all this, though, God's message is clear: trust.  Always trust.  "Fear not."  "Be still and know that I am God."  "I am the Light of the world."  "I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life."
I continue to pray for confidence, for trust in God, for hope, for understanding.  For those of you who have been praying for me, thank you.  I can tell.  God bless you all.

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.  Where there is hatred, let me show love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.  Oh divine Master grant that I may not seek so much to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.  For it is in giving that we truly receive.  It is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."
"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
-St. Francis of Assissi